she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
