That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
