He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you never un-have a 4some
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
