My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
