It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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