OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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