Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
