i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
