He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
