That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
