Can i not drive my cunt home
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
