lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think my moral compass just broke
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
