so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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