She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
