Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
