Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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