Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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