I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
