Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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