I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
