did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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