I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
