bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
