hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
