so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
