pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
