The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
