we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
