Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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