I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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