Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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