Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
