Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
