There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
