The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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