look no pants
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
