We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
