i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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