I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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