Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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