Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
