Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
