Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
