look no pants
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
