I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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