you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
