looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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