I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
