he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
