her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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