The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
