and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We need to rekindle our bromance
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
